The thought had crossed my mind to sneak out so I could go to church. Something normal, even for just a few hours. I kind of miss it. Not to mention the bonus of beating his system and causing him great frustration. I think Warlike has picked up on my restlessness over the whole Christmas thing. That’s one of the nice things about my honesty policy is I can be moody and not have to hide it. Besides it creates a great false front. (Man we are full of contradictions.) I can be all depressed one day and bitchy another and they just swallow it all as plain fact. That could come in handy some days when I need to use misdirection.
Anyways, this morning Warlike announced that he wanted to move me some place “safe.” Ha! What a joke, my whole reason for existing as I do today is to be in danger, on purpose. And he would be the one sending me there. The real question is safe from what? Is he trying to scare me or is there a real threat? The Feds or Watchman?
Maybe he sensed that I was itching to escape and he wants to keep a hold of me for now at least. So there is an elaborate plan to whisk me out of the house when my two guardians go to some fancy Christmas party tonight. I will get picked up by one of the others and taken to God knows where. This may be the last you hear from me.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Bored in Pasadena
I asked Warlike about Watchman. I wanted to know if Watchman was telling me the truth. I guess their arrangement has always been open. Watchman has always been his own boss, Warlike paid him well which earned him some exclusivity on Watchman’s talents. When I told him about my encounters with Watchman in England and France he asked questions about what Watchman said and did all while pretending to be looking at his PDA or the paper. Distant interest. Warlike is the master at playing poker face, he does not give hint to anything, but the fact that he asked at all tells me he at least has a personal interest in whatever it is Watchman is up. Innocent Lamb started to voice some concern but cut it short. It seems to me that they have an elaborate system of signals but they are very subtle and hard to discern. I hate to say this but I could learn some really useful things from them.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Time and Space
This house is huge. It’s ridiculous really. He is a single man with a girlfriend and no family to speak of, extended or otherwise. Why the eff would you need twelve rooms? I tend to hang around in the movie theater and order all these actions films and then turn up the volume so loud it shakes the floor of the room above me. It is AWESOME! He has an actual billiard room. And the grounds go on forever. What is with all the square footage. He isn’t even here half the time.
Works out for me, I sleep in a different room every night. Sometimes not even in a bedroom. If I’m in a room were there are cameras, like the library or the arboretum, I cover them up while I am sleeping. Unpredictability is an asset. Besides, I do not want to give them any opportunity to mess with me while I’m sleeping. I have not noticed anything weird, no strange dreams or late mornings getting up. They are on their best behavior. Maybe they are waiting, trying to gain my trust or something.
Really most of my wondering around in the middle of the night, movie watching, and rummaging is a product of too much time. Not enough to do around here. I have been on vacation for months as it were. I am probably one of the most expensive human being alive and at the moment the most useless I think.
Works out for me, I sleep in a different room every night. Sometimes not even in a bedroom. If I’m in a room were there are cameras, like the library or the arboretum, I cover them up while I am sleeping. Unpredictability is an asset. Besides, I do not want to give them any opportunity to mess with me while I’m sleeping. I have not noticed anything weird, no strange dreams or late mornings getting up. They are on their best behavior. Maybe they are waiting, trying to gain my trust or something.
Really most of my wondering around in the middle of the night, movie watching, and rummaging is a product of too much time. Not enough to do around here. I have been on vacation for months as it were. I am probably one of the most expensive human being alive and at the moment the most useless I think.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Comfort and Joy
Christmas is a few days a way and I find I am smothered by a great sadness that sits on my chest trying to crush all the breath out of me. Does this mean Christmas sucked at my house or that I am subconsciously missing it? I think about those two people I met. They are my parents, I can tell, I look related to them. They were upset over my underwhelmed reaction to them and more so when I didn’t want to see them any more. I cut the reunion short. I couldn’t take it. But now I think about them every moment. Wondering about what our tree would look like, the cinnamon smell of the house as you walk into the heat from a cold snowy day. Did we go to mass or anything on Christmas Eve?
I feel I am missing something worth being nostalgic over.
I feel I am missing something worth being nostalgic over.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
An Apple An Day
Does not work. Ever since I’ve got myself “settled in” Innocent Lamb hounds me all day long. She wants to run tests on me but I won’t let her. I keep telling her later, so instead I get grilled about how I feel, have experienced any usual pains, am I forgetful or klutzy. On and on, it’s really annoying.
I tell myself it's in the interest of science. My body is pumped full of all kinds of crap they've been giving me for years to change me at the molecular level and I have been beyond their care for several months. Surely there should be some kind of side effects from that, withdrawals or something. It never occurred to me until she started asking me these things. But her style of worry feels more like that of a mother and not a scientist. I can see that she is deeply concerned. When I blow her off she gets kinda angry in a rejected sort of way. I don't know, I can't explain it. There is nothing clinical about it.
In any case I feel totally normal. I feel like me, as much I know how that feels.
I tell myself it's in the interest of science. My body is pumped full of all kinds of crap they've been giving me for years to change me at the molecular level and I have been beyond their care for several months. Surely there should be some kind of side effects from that, withdrawals or something. It never occurred to me until she started asking me these things. But her style of worry feels more like that of a mother and not a scientist. I can see that she is deeply concerned. When I blow her off she gets kinda angry in a rejected sort of way. I don't know, I can't explain it. There is nothing clinical about it.
In any case I feel totally normal. I feel like me, as much I know how that feels.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Missing Person
Usurper has been pleasantly absent so far. Only Warlike and the good doctor were at the table and are the only ones in the house besides security guards and servants. I took the liberty of searching the place from top to bottom. I didn't force any doors or closets that were locked. I did it mostly to see if they would stop me. It weirded out the black shirts (my new name for hired security guards,)but they didn't stop me. They dutifully reported it and followed me around as I explored the place. It is his private residence so maybe he likes to keep business separate and the others are at our super secret headquarters.
But I digress. Where is Usurper? I was ready for the great throw down. For the shock and horror on his face when he saw me sitting in his seat. The longer I am here I am sure the better chance of him being told I am back. I wanted to be the one to break the news to him.
But I digress. Where is Usurper? I was ready for the great throw down. For the shock and horror on his face when he saw me sitting in his seat. The longer I am here I am sure the better chance of him being told I am back. I wanted to be the one to break the news to him.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Breakfast
Imagine. Me in my muddy and torn clothes seated at the head of his freshly polished mahogany dining table with silver and crystal strewn all over it. Is Warlike thinking about having to clean the seat after I get up? Someone is.
Of course I didn’t really like showing up injured, I felt it could make me look weak, or maybe it makes me seem especially hardened. My surprise appearance in his room was good, but even better is my new policy of total honesty. Well, maybe not total, I didn’t tell him about my parents, but I did tell him that MI6 was gunning for him and they were using me to do it.
His response, “You owe me two dogs.”
I eat heartily. This is good food. The man does not skimp on these kinds of things. I’m gonna take all I can from the bastard for what he did to me and if that means stuffing myself to the point of sickness it is well worth the price.
I ignore him in a similar fashion to his dog comment I say, “I want to be a free agent; you pay me like the others. None of this belonging to the company shit. The feds think I’m on their side. I’m on my side, bottom line, and if I get the inkling that you are trying to play me I am out of here.”
He doesn’t know how to react. I can see each word he speaks is weighed carefully. He gives nothing away and makes no promises but in the end he is willing to talk more after dinner. I can see he is willing to see how far this thing can go. At least I think he is. He is intrigued by my transformation and wants to why and how.
The three of us enjoy our meal as if this how every morning is spent. He chats me up with small talk, who, what, where, when. I drink my coffee, eat my eggs, and answer his questions with teenager recklessness. I play up the ‘I don’t give a damn’ attitude. He is not convinced. I think he may still be in shock at my return, but he’s keeping it cool.
I thought this would be fun. This messing around with Warlike’s little world, but I am exhausted already. I kind of wish I was still with the Feds. I don’t know if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life, in constant alert, ready for anything.
Of course I didn’t really like showing up injured, I felt it could make me look weak, or maybe it makes me seem especially hardened. My surprise appearance in his room was good, but even better is my new policy of total honesty. Well, maybe not total, I didn’t tell him about my parents, but I did tell him that MI6 was gunning for him and they were using me to do it.
His response, “You owe me two dogs.”
I eat heartily. This is good food. The man does not skimp on these kinds of things. I’m gonna take all I can from the bastard for what he did to me and if that means stuffing myself to the point of sickness it is well worth the price.
I ignore him in a similar fashion to his dog comment I say, “I want to be a free agent; you pay me like the others. None of this belonging to the company shit. The feds think I’m on their side. I’m on my side, bottom line, and if I get the inkling that you are trying to play me I am out of here.”
He doesn’t know how to react. I can see each word he speaks is weighed carefully. He gives nothing away and makes no promises but in the end he is willing to talk more after dinner. I can see he is willing to see how far this thing can go. At least I think he is. He is intrigued by my transformation and wants to why and how.
The three of us enjoy our meal as if this how every morning is spent. He chats me up with small talk, who, what, where, when. I drink my coffee, eat my eggs, and answer his questions with teenager recklessness. I play up the ‘I don’t give a damn’ attitude. He is not convinced. I think he may still be in shock at my return, but he’s keeping it cool.
I thought this would be fun. This messing around with Warlike’s little world, but I am exhausted already. I kind of wish I was still with the Feds. I don’t know if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life, in constant alert, ready for anything.
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