Big Brother

There are many things about my situation that don’t seem right and including “Usurper.” My gut reaction towards him is aggravation. He's my “partner” (like we are working on some science fair project or something) and he is the most helpful, understanding person of the whole lot. And you see, that’s the problem, because I don't believe a thing he says. It's like Warlike has put him up to this and he's doing an Academy performance at being my buddy.

I tested him when we were running together the other day. I told him I had a dream that we were at a dance together, a really fancy ball. Warlike and Innocent Lamb were there too. (I really did dream this.) While they have attempted to wipeout everything I know, my brain is still trying to tell me something, I get the feeling that a lot of my dreams are not dreams at all, but memories rising to the surface, they’re too grounded and detailed for dreams. But anyways, in the dream I met another boy there who was as bored as I was with all the pomp and circumstance and BOOM— a big explosion, tables in the air, fire everywhere, people screaming, the whole nine yards. Usurper listened patiently, no reaction other than active listening. Then I told him how in the dream he was such a jerk that I ultimately punched him, right in front of Warlike and everything. His cheeks flared red. He sputtered in shock that I could think him so terrible and apologized for his dream self. But I saw it, in his eyes, for that millisecond there was anger there.

The other thing that doesn’t fit is that when we are alone, like when we’re running, he is personable, jokey, and ultimately a really big flirt, but if anyone else is around he’s like a robot. Only speaks when spoken to and everything becomes a ceremony with him. Things have to be done just right, in the right order and timing to attain a kind behavioral flawlessness. There is nothing careless or sloppy with him. You should see his room, the place is like a museum. Is this OCD behavior a result of his genetic enhancements or the accumulative effect having so much expected of you for so long, isolated most of his life like he has been? It makes me sad to watch him watch himself. I don’t get it.

Once I’m retrained we will have to start putting into practice all this training and we will have no one to trust but each other in a dangerous situation and I'm not going to be able to because frankly--he's a two faced liar. Well they all are, aren't they, even the ones I like. No one tells the truth or they disguise it with layers of jargon and enigmatic metaphor.