Needful Things

The one's I like…the person who oversees my training is "Bright Flame". He's funny and so down to earth for someone in an outfit like this he's a misfit. He seems so well adjusted, he should have a wife and kids somewhere. Maybe he does, I don't know. He often works with "Admirable," she's really nice too. She's one tough woman, despite the Southern charm thing she's got going on, sometimes I think she fakes that though. I often wonder how Warlike appears to them. Is it just a job to them, no questions asked beyond that? Is he fair? Are there good benefits? The pay must be killer, why else work for such a megalomaniac. Why is he more desirable over all the other warmongers? They all seem to understand the nature of the Company's business, and yet they sleep well, get along with each other and even watch movies together, like it was a family. There is no competitiveness that I can see. Still…this is not normal no matter how familiar it is to any of us.

When Bright Flame was informed about my amnesia, he shook his head and stuffed down his opinion with a grunt. His naturally open demeanor returned quickly enough, but with my heightened paranoia it was enough to make me suspicious. Admirable seemed taken back by my condition. While this unusual twist of my fate seems to disrupt people, it is momentary and easily passed over with the auto-response, "It's just the drugs" and/or the assurance that it's only temporary. "Here's the 'truth,' just accept it and be happy about it." This is what I mean about every one being liars. Though I realize that I have no grounds for judging them, I lie too. It's a prerequisite for this lifestyle.

Bright Flame doesn't seem to mind one bit that he has to retrain me, I remember in an unconscious sort of way. If I don't try to remember things will comes back to me, out of habit I suppose, or as he calls it muscle memory. I know how to block or disarm without remembering it. What ammo goes with what weapons, it does seem to be stored up in there somewhere because it comes out when I need it. This is somewhat assuring to me. It means that this has actually happened before and I'm not just being told it was so, which is how it feels.

Doesn't this also mean that I can't be crazy because your brain can only "make up" stuff it knows? I can't make up quantum formulas if I didn't already know them in some way right?

There is something else. Someone is missing. Of course I don't know who it is and won't until they show up. I don't feel like they are another wunderkind like Usurper or myself. I've heard there are others, but I've never seen them. In the Med. Center their names are on little glass jars, just like mine: "Dawn", "Harvester", "Handsome", "Gift of God", and "King". But this person I want to meet, is none of them, I'm sure of it. I don't even know if they are male or female, but there is an urgency to find them. I hope with every new person I meet that blank space will get filled, but it doesn't. I think they may be AWOL or MIA, so no one wants to talk about it. Or worse, turned traitor and defected or killed. If that's the case then the gnawing in the back of my mind will continue to wake me up at night.